Tired of reviews? How 'bout some jokes!

I've never been asked to do stand-up, nor have I pursued this dream in anyway; but nevertheless, I've got some jokes. Ideally, I'd like to tell these jokes in some sort of venue with or without compensation. Until such an opportunity falls into my lap (which is apparently what it's going to take), I will use the universally agreed upon media for unwanted idea sharing. So music blog, you are now a whatever-crap-is-in-my-brain blog. Congratulations on the upgrade.

Men are dogs:
Women are always calling men dogs, but you don't really believe that. Now, I am in no way denying the verity of this comparison, all I ask is that if we are in fact dogs, then treat us like dogs. Yesterday my dog made it very clear that he wanted to go out, but my girlfriend told him, "not now, I'm not in the mood!"

What do you do if your dog does something wrong? You take him by the collar and show him exactly what he did wrong. If you just randomly smack him on the nose and say "if you don't know what you did wrong, then I'm not telling you" he'll probably behave. He will. But I guarantee he's humping the next leg through that door.